We love April Fool’s Day in our family. This is most true of the kids, however we all enjoy the build-up, planning, creativity and the element of surprise. It never ceases to amaze me what we can come up with and what the kids ingenuity leads them into. They spend time and effort, sometimes for weeks ahead, to “fool” the grown-ups and one another simply for some good laughs. Our inner wisdom knows that laughing is medicine and laughing together is magic.
The grown-ups, in our busy and responsibility-filled lives, have not always responded well (reacted is more like it) at the moments these pranks have been unveiled. We are often moving through each day in autopilot, going going going until we drop; tired, cranky and depleted. This will inevitably lead to unwarranted reactions and feeling overwhelmed at the smallest of situations. We are just not at our best in those instances.
This year was a prime example of that. It was a busy weekday and I will be the first to admit, the end of the day is often my witching hour. There is not much gas left in the tank and when so much is going on remembering to refill or feeling like I have the space available to reset myself escapes me. Then I was presented with a surprise attack. While I thought the kids were upstairs getting ready for the next day and bedtime they were, in fact, scheming and setting up, quite stealthly I might add.
I went upstairs to finish the bedtime routine and prepare for my own bedtime. I walked into my bedroom and went to the closet for some comfy clothes to wind down in. Reaching for what I would typically grab, I realized that something else was in its place. Being in autopilot, it took an extra minute or two (or three) to realize what was going on. The kids were already giggling from around the corner and in waking up to the fact that the children had taken everything from my side of the closet and moved it to my husband’s side and vice versa all I could muster in that brief moment were sighs and low-level frustration. I was tired, didn’t want to have to do much else for the day and found that nothing was where I thought it was and I was no longer allowed to stay in auto-mode as I now had to think and pay attention to what I was doing.
It only took another minute for me to fully comprehend what they had done (absolutely hilarious) and more importantly, what I had done. While I could hear the bigger me recognizing how absolutely funny, clever and industrious this prank was, I could not access the resources I would have needed in order to at least adequately express that to the children. They deserved so much to be credited and applauded for this one. It was actually a fair amount of work they put in! Since I was in the survival state of mind that I was, my outward accolades were non-existent. It is also important to note that retaining some amount of the awareness of the big picture did allow me to not overly react poorly and not spiral it into the bedtime ritual to end the night. I count that as a win. I do wish, however, that the kids had received in real time, the deserved admiration for this one. I went to bed resolving the guilt that came up and fortunately I had the opportunity in the morning to produce my true thoughts and feelings about it all and share them openly and genuinely. This was a great chance for repair and care for how they were feeling while I also resolved to do my best not to repeat the pattern.
The thing is, we love having fun. We love making fun anywhere we are, we are fun people. We love laughing and games and sharing those together. I know this April Fool’s Day was not a true representation of my best, fun self. If all they see are off-center reactions from me, how will the loved ones around me ever know that fun me? How can we present our best selves when are so often not in control and just letting the controls be taken over by autopilot?
What it comes down to is: how we respond matters. Although we are always able to repair when needed, relying solely on this option is in no one’s best interest. If we are moving through most of life in survival mode, we are not well-resourced to respond vs. react, to take what comes in our days in stride with graciousness or gratitude or dignity. When we are in autopilot, constantly moving, whether in our bodies or thoughts, we are perfectly poised to attack, run or find paralysis taking over for functioning. Keeping the reigns in the hands of calm, collected and clear thinking will always allow for a pure, conscious and intentional set of options. We will think before we speak, have an innate awareness of what is best suited or most needed in a situation when we are positioned from center. Our steps, words and choices are grounded in the present moment and connected with whoever is around us.
The list of advantages is extensive and persuasive. When planning (over-planning) or thinking (over-thinking) have not gotten in the way of seeing anything clearly, we can know what we truly feel and think about any situation. Only when it happens upon us without pre-conceived notions do we find the spaciousness to understand in a deeper and more aligned way.
Most of the people I know and speak to will attest to the constant running of the sympathetic nervous system of their daily lives. This over-worked set of mechanisms designed to get out of danger quickly has been left and allowed to be in charge of most daily tasks. This is the equivalent of the kids being left to run the house, manage the job, deal with the relationships and basically attempt to take care of all of the adulting on their own. As kids do, they will if they have to, if they see no other choice because no one, not even the grown up in the house is clearly willing or able to, from their perspective. This is not a true assessment of the grown up’s capability, however a lack of trust that was not realized it needed to be built as we got older and began realizing more of ourselves and learning through life experiences. These kids know full well they are not equipped for these positions and are often overwhelmed at the thought of doing anything. They will not leave their post without another option because, to them, this is safety and survival at stake after all.
Deepening our awareness of what is actually taking place as we move through each day is the primary key to unlocking the gear shift. This will not shift on it’s own. The kids will not just hand over the keys to anyone and take their chances on the perceived risk. We have to establish our willingness, our surety and build trust amongst the mechanisms that helped us survive early life and beyond. We have to step into this role, knowing and ready to be the leader we are intended and equipped to be, no matter if we fully believe this yet or not.
There are many pathways to cultivating this new inner dynamic and structure. I encourage any one of them depending on what resonates or we are drawn to. The point isn’t which path you choose it is the intentional and empowered forward movement toward a calm, centered state of being. While this is vitally crucial for every one of us to comprehend and embrace, it can be a lot to take in and absorb.
The over-simplified explanation here is that when we are in go-mode all of the time, we are not well-positioned to handle anything well. We will be reactive, combative, defensive, argumentative, avoidant, distant, distracted, paralyzed and the list goes on. While all of these can be understood and may seem necessary at times (usually not really though), each one of them pulls us away from our true capabilities, are unproductive and at times more dangerous. A person who remains primarily in a calm state can handle any situation. Someone who is off-center and ready for battle will misread, misinterpret and react accordingly.
This is my personal challenge and I hope anyone resonating with this will join me. I consider my primary and possibly only job at this point to find every moment an opportunity to center, reset and move intentionally. When I can ensure that I am well-resourced by staying present as much as possible, it will not matter what life or kids throw at me, I can bring my best self to it.
